i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
