her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
