It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
