I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We are two peas in an std pod
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
