I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
