I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
