In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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