True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
