Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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