operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Do vagina's smell?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
