he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
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Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
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I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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