I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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