i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
