Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
