It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
