when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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