Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just google imaged poop.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
