Yo dont text me then not text me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
