totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
