Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
