I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
