those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
