this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
