I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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