Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
