A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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