Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
