I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
