Porn is love you can see.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
