I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
