dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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