Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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