We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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