i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
