dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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