she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
