I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
