A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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