Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
