what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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