Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
