direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
