I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
