im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You are a booty call, not a friend.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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