It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
