i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
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BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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