I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
