You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
