yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
