Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
