Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
