Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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