Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
