I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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