Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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