I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
