Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
