I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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