Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
