Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
