my phone needs a breathalizer
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
