i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
