Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
