ya dads aren't the best wingmen
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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