We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
