you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
