East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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