I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
