dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
