I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
