Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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