In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
