A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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