Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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