Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
