I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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