I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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