Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
