i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
