I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
