Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
