I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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