Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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