sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
