They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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