you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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