I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
