The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize