All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
